Emotional Intelligence For Executives and Leaders

Nov 21 2013Sep 30 2020 Belinda MJ. Brown Career Success, Leadership, Women Success

Be Aware, Express and Manage your Emotions

Why Exploring Emotional Intelligence?

We are holistic beings and emotions like our mental or physical states make us who we are…With their continuous research on Emotional Intelligence, Salovey and Mayer paves way to model of Emotional Intelligence partially redefining it as “The ability to perceive emotion, integrate emotion to facilitate thought, understand emotions and to regulate emotions to promote personal growth.”

In the corporate environment, most of us deal with emotions in the following manner.

We do not recognize the verbal and non verbal communication signs of emotional reactions
We judge Emotions as Good or Bad, consequently negative emotions are the symptoms of an abnormal behavior
We still promote IQ vs EQ
We assume Emotions do not have a place in a work environment nor in re-engineering or process oriented initiatives
We think that showing Emotions makes us vulnerable

In a world constantly shrinking, hard skills are well mastered by most of us. We expect more than hard skills in leaders, we look for stronger relationships, for meaningful communication and for collaboration.
To make the difference in a competitive world, we cannot rely anymore on gaining more hard skills and education but on understanding how to use what we have acquired and communicate efficiently.

You can be the most brilliant scientist or the most intelligent executive and not bring the value your organization and your team are looking for. Indeed, while you focus strictly on your knowledge and your intelligence to perform, you miss to evaluate your behavior driven by your emotions. Many times, our emotions speaks for us without us noticing it. It greatly impacts our communication and collaboration with others. If you are not aware of your emotions, you might show up in a way that totally deserve you and your hard work. You better be able to recognize your emotions and to understand them in order to prevent any misunderstanding or worst lack of communication.
Time of delegation/execution is over and you will find yourself struggling to deliver if you cannot collaborate with others.

One things we want to keep in mind is that collaboration works well only when people needs are met.

Emotions are signals and they impact greatly your leadership abilities:

We learned to push away our emotions, to hide them or to let them sit for later…

Let me ask you this:

IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY PUT YOUR HAND ON A HOT COOK-TOP, WOULD YOU DISREGARD THE SIGNAL GIVEN TO YOU BY PAIN AND KEEP IT WERE IT IS? I doubt it…

By being aware of our emotions we simply listen to signals: anger or frustration can be called “emotional pains”, we understand not only our behavior but behaviors of people surrounding us. Behind an emotion there is always a thought; it is not unusual to pair an emotion to a thought based on limiting beliefs, interpretations, assumptions or fears. Awareness of this emotion will make you aware of the thought and then you will be able to choose the response you want to give consciously instead of being driven by automatic reaction linked to a past experience or a belief.

In a multicultural work environment it is more important to notice and observe your own and others people emotions expressed through gestures, postures or verbal communication. Indeed, it is easy to judge an individual by considering alone their behavior and not understand their motives.

Emotional intelligence is the kind of ability that can enable you to identify, assess, and manage emotions in a way that will serve you and your interlocutor. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) will ensure you to get things done and going in a common desired direction.

Emotions to Enhance your career, your life and your relationships:
Hidden and unexpressed emotions, which are individually manageable simply pile up in a part of your mind and your body. One day, those emotions become unmanageable, here come depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and other chronic diseases. Using emotional Intelligence will benefit you in many ways:

EQ helps to clarify communication
EQ to release catabolic energy
EQ will make you and other heard and understood
EQ will ensure that your behavior is aligned with what you say

Imagine how much more motivation and engagement you will get from having a clear and positive exchange with your team or your spouse. Imagine your life with less frustration and more pleasure. Imagine your level of productivity increasing by the simple fact of being heard and understood.

Communication skills in a diverse and multicultural environment

Sep 23 2013Sep 30 2020 Belinda MJ. Brown Business Success, Career Success, Leadership, Team Success

The price YOU pay for poor communication:

Health: high level of stress due to frustration
Budget: between 25% and 40% of your annual budget
Productivity: $26,041 of productivity loss per worker per year
Customer service: decrease of customer satisfaction
Change management: ineffectiveness in growing yourself and your organization
Engagement: Employees’ disengagement
Downtime
Late project deliveries

Among all the challenges in a multi-cultural environment undoubtedly the most difficult to handle is the communication skill as it is how we express ourselves, share information, develop relationships, establish trusts and above all build a multicultural environment even with the establishment of a Creole language. Even the native users of a language have trouble with the proper understanding of certain expressions- either verbal or non-verbal, accents, or dialects of sub-cultural groups in a country.

Low Impact of Words on Communication

Source: Dr. Albert Mehrabian, UCLA

Verbal Communication Skills in a multi-cultural Environment:

Apparently, to its basic level communication is quite easy with a limited knowledge of a different language; however a successful communication in a working environment requires a high level of expertise. For example, English, the most widely spoken language, can put a native user of this language in difficulties while talking to a person from another English speaking nation as the accents, word usage, and dialects varied to a great extent in the UK English, US English or in Australian English. So, the verbal skill involves your ability to understand different accents, to use it in an internationally recognizable pronunciation and to master the word-craft-ship in the better correlation with the signifier and signified.

For an effective communication even the underlying or implied meaning of a statement has to be known along with the linguistic one as in almost every culture idiomatic expressions are very common to be used widely. Additionally the cultural-bound terms may have the chance to bewilder you even if you are a native user of a language as these sorts of terms are identical to a particular location in a country. For instance, as the concept of a ‘knock, knock joke’ may not be understood by someone carrying another cultural traits. Some other culture-bound words as picked up by Chad Lewis are ‘pie chart’, ‘high five’, ‘get out of jail free card’, ‘touchdown’, ‘piggy bank etc. which are commonly used in the United States but may be hard to understand to people from different states.

Non-Verbal Communication Skills in a multi-cultural Environment:

Chad Lewis, in his Successful Communication in Multi-cultural Environments, orchestrates how the non-verbal expressions matter to the successful communication under a diverse cultural rainbow. To him even the secondary channels like smell, movement (fidgeting), our body position (posture), facial expressions, yawning to convey a message are important to have a control over, though it not always possible to do so. For example, seeing a person riding a bi-cycle we can guess that the person is too poor to own a car, he or she has a low social status or perhaps the person had their driving license revoked, though the person might have used it just for being environmentally friendly.

Another challenge of the communication in a diverse setting lies in the fact that the secondary channel to convey an expression may be interpreted just opposite to people with other cultural identity. So learning the body language, personal space or distance in a conversation, and intonation being practiced in a particular community can be very crucial to have learned to develop your communication skill.

In communication, kinesics that refers to the usage of body language, gestures, eye-contacts etc. can be another issue to pose challenges in a diverse culture. In some places eye-contact is treated as a sign of paying attention or showing interest, but still there are communities that would rather readily take it as a sign of aggression. Again, head wobbling being used in India as a body language to answer a question can lead to misinterpretation to some other cultural context. One more example can be cited in this regard is a physical movement like giving a quick pat on the back to show support or encouragement to a colleague can put you in an awkward situation as there are places where touching of any kind especially between the opposite sexes is strictly prohibited.

Intonation conveying a non-verbal message can be another communication challenge for a diverse group as the meaning associated with it is not universal. For instance in the sentence, ‘you are going to party’, the accent on the word, ‘party’ would indicate a question for one group while some other groups may take it as an expression of anger or irritation.

Schedule Today a Free Meeting for Your Needs: Schedule Appointment

Tips and Tools to Improve Collaboration and Increase your Bottom Line

Don’t judge
Notice what you do and how you do it
Understand your communication style and others people style by taking a DiSC & Motivators assessment
Fill the gap between two communication styles
Be perceived for who you truly are and not for who people think you are
Reward yourself and others according to interests, values and drivers

You will not only enhance your personal and professional relationships but notice a change in a way your interact with others. You will finally feel heard and understood. People will collaborate with you and help you reach your goals. You will feel empowered and confident you can get things done. You will as well dramatically increase your results, reduce your level of stress and improve the quality of your relationships.

Organizations have recorded a $13000/employee increase in their bottom line by simply creating awareness about Communication Skills and developing their teams. It can represent up to +19.2% in Operating Income.

Emotional Intelligence for Leaders and Self Leaders

Apr 7 2013Sep 30 2020 Belinda MJ. Brown Career Success, Leadership, Team Success

Emotions

don’t belong in the workplace – or do they? Depends on who you ask! If you ask catabolic leaders,they’re likely to agree. But anabolic leaders have a different point of view – they understand that emotions can’t be left at the office door. Our comparison between anabolic and catabolic leaders continues with an exploration of how aware they are of their own and others’ emotions, how they express their emotions, and how they manage or control them in the work environment. Awareness, expression, and management of emotion are the three main aspects of emotional intelligence. In the Energy Leadership Development System™, emotional intelligence, EQ, is defined as the ability to distinguish, understand, and have an awareness of how thoughts and feelings connect with outward displays and behaviors, as well as the ability to manage and express appropriate emotions and help others do the same. Let’s look at each of the components of EQ and see how they are different in catabolic and anabolic leaders.

Awareness

Catabolic – Not only are these leaders unaware of their own emotions, but they are unaware of other people’s emotions as well. They’re also unaware of the effect they have on others. Anabolic – These leaders are not only aware of their and other’s emotions, but they’re able to step back and recognize that their emotions are not automatic (emotions arise from interpretations). They also look for clues in their emotions, asking questions such as “Why did I have this response, and what can I learn from this?”

Expression

Catabolic – Many catabolic leaders have a limiting belief that expressing emotions should not be done in the workplace. They don’t want people to see their emotions, and don’t want to deal with the emotions of others. When they do express emotions, they often express them inappropriately, for example, by yelling or rolling their eyes. Anabolic – Anabolic leaders understand that emotions are a part of each of us, and that they can’t be “turned off” at will. They know how to appropriately express their emotions, at the appropriate time. By sharing, acknowledging, and validating, they create an environment in which their co-workers and staff feel valued and understood.

Management

Catabolic – Catabolic leaders can’t manage their own emotions, and therefore, the people around them don’t look to them in times of crisis for guidance and support. They tend to be frustrated, angry, and resentful, and this is apparent to everyone. Anabolic – Anabolic leaders have the ability to manage their own moods and to help other people shift to more positive moods. They also are able to control their own emotions, even during stressful situations. They respond, instead of react, and their generally calm attitude promotes a positive work environment. Emotional intelligence is directly related to interpersonal effectiveness. The higher your emotional intelligence, the more effective leader and communicator you will be. For a further discussion of how the two are related, you can order Energy Leadership, Transforming your Workplace, by Bruce D. Schneider and access reports and bonuses . I you want to develop yourself and your team on emotional intelligence, we offer as part of the Energy Leadership Development System developed by iPEC an entire section on Emotional Intelligence, and gives useful and easily implemented strategies for increasing EQ.

Thanks to Inovizion for the visual

From a Fear-Based to a Love-Based Leadership Using Global Leadership Coaching

Feb 28 2013Sep 30 2020 Belinda MJ. Brown Career Success, Leadership, Team Success, Women Success

Global Leadership Coaching assists individuals and organizations to perform better, innovate and serve the community while increasing profit.

How Fear Based Leadership Limits Individuals and Organizations’ Growth

In brief, short bursts, fear can be useful and powerful. Fear is distinguished from anxiety in that it indicates an immediate threat that can be responded to. In the shared past of the human species, the threat often took the form of a natural threat. The release of energy at the end of a brief encounter was a critical part of returning to healthy functioning. Now, unfortunately, the concept of leadership at many organizations has been clouded by perpetual fear. Fear arises throughout an organization when humane concerns are sacrificed to achieve short-term profit goals at the expense of team members and the future. Fear spreads unconsciously in response to an entirely profit-oriented environment and fear’s effects are usually not questioned by those who suffer from them.

A fearful, ego-centric view of business supplants true leadership in favor of focus on “managing” people as if they were unruly and untrustworthy. Fear-based management abides in the belief that those in an organization “would never get anything done” unless they are continuously threatened. Rather than resolving a problem, this attitude creates one: Lack of trust leads to lack of productivity and lack of engagement caused by acute but unspoken consciousness of oppression. Relentless focus on individual gain in the form of money and promotion worsens this issue not just in America, but worldwide. This results in limitation of growth for our communities or organizations and invests all leadership within one personality. When the leader departs, the “machine” left behind disintegrates: As a limited “physical and mental” machine, it cannot generate integrity from its ego-based approach to external data. So long as it is believed that the enterprise can aspire to no benefit other than profit, there is no basis for evolution. Under such conditions, everyone associated with an organization is shackled by a self-interest viewpoint. The effects of this on the psychology of the group are obvious.

The benefits of a Value Based Leadership

One antidote to the fear basis has been values-based leadership. This is one important step away from the mechanical conception of enterprise and toward a concept that encompasses physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual dimensions. Instead of seeing work as a job, an evolution takes place wherein it can be understood as a career. The transformation from a fear basis to a values basis is a profound one. Leaders in such an enterprise focus on the long term and their goals naturally serve the community in which the enterprise is embedded. “Win-win” opportunities emerge more naturally than before because all of the different constituencies and communities impacted by a given enterprise have something to gain rather than being locked in a web of mutual exploitation for the gain of the few.

A sense of social obligation creates a resilient basis for fulfillment among employees and customers while imbuing the entire community with shared understanding of its role in the ecological environment. Under the conditions of this awareness stage, the organization is empowered with its own identity separate from the leadership. It generates anabolic energy that motivates every member to undertake evolution in their values, beliefs and assumptions. The business is no longer chained to the tyranny of external data and is free to evolve on the basis of internal data and values. In an individual, we might call this self-knowledge. As the enterprise develops its own soul, leaders no longer focus on fear but on positive feedback, collaboration, and shared values. It focuses on transformation among individuals using an outsider perspective. Overall, there is a balance between “hard” and “soft” skills in the workplace environment just as there is in life. When all these elements are achieved, it then becomes possible for any enterprise to reach the final and highest stage.

How Bringing More Love in Leadership Enables Individuals and Organizations to Reach their Full Potential

Another way to approach any enterprise-level evolution is love-based leadership. In this final evolution, the enterprise supports society and continues to deepen its understanding of the matrix of needs and wants represented by customer and employee. Environmental and community stewardship is made a priority and there is an understanding of the continuum between the enterprise and what might appear to be “outside” of it, including the community at large. Work is now perceived as a mission: Because of this, it is possible to champion a higher level of energy and consciousness within the organization.

There is no more basis for narrowing of perspectives, so it is understood that what is done within the enterprise can freely benefit the local area, the nation and the world at large. Profit becomes more easy to obtain in this final stage of transformation because there is a wider recognition of the organization and its ability to provide love experiences. Members of the community and of the enterprise come to recognize that there is no duality or conflict between profit, internal benefit and the greater good: In fact, the apparent conflict between these things is an illusion fostered by a fearful environment. At this elevated level of energy and consciousness, profit derives from the activities of individuals acting in a harmonious concert with one another. The enterprise becomes the heart of a values-centered mission for each person involved — and it provides a structure that anchors each person to the core values of love and trust. This allows each employee to reach fullest potential in the context of a specific approach to generating value for all of society. One can think of the arrangement of energy and consciousness displayed here as a “spiritual spiral” where the enterprise is at the core and the individuals within it are constantly growing, nourished and reaching out further and further toward the most distant elements of the environment that are impacted by their work. In this state, the energy of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual poles of human identity will all be fully activated. Everyone can benefit from this transformation by continuing to displace individual egos and seeking ways to express and achieve love more highly in a service orientation. Likewise, the world as a whole can benefit as the principles of this consciousness transformation ripple through similar and interconnected enterprises, further reducing the burden of fear.

Compassion Toward Ourselves to Bring More Compassion to Others

Feb 1 2013Sep 30 2020 Belinda MJ. Brown Career Success, Leadership, Team Success, Women Success

What is compassion? Human beings have been contemplating the true meaning of it for many thousands of years. Throughout the ages, philosophers and poets have applied many views and interpretations toward the concept, yet it is a consistent theme in all of humanity’s striving. As a leader who wishes to exhibit and encourage compassion, I have often wondered about the right way to demonstrate it to others and help them heal. It is not always easy to practice compassionate feelings when one feels challenged by the circumstances of life. Like so many of the good things within us, it requires mindfulness to model a compassionate worldview through our actions. For that reason, the dictionary definition of this concept is only a start when it comes to really knowing it well. The generic definition is as follows: “A feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.”

When we think about compassion, it is easy and obvious to think about it in relationship to others. As soon as one turns on the news, it is easy to become inundated with images of strife from all around the world. Of course, directing compassionate thought towards others is a critical part of celebrating our common humanity. However, it is not the only facet with which we must be familiar in order to realize our potential for self leadership. Is it possible to be truly compassionate toward others if we are constantly inflicting shame, doubt and blame upon ourselves for our honest mistakes? Many people who consider themselves successful are able to recognize the need to be compassionate toward everyone around them but themselves. This leads to strife and internal conflict when we do not do what is necessary to alleviate our own suffering.

It is not selfish to practice self-directed compassionate behavior. On the contrary, it gives us the sense of self leadership that empowers us to heal others. An important part of this is releasing feelings of guilt that accumulate over the course of life. It is not helpful to constantly gaze longingly toward the past. Whatever resources, knowledge or abilities you have now, you cannot project them into the past. You must demonstrate self leadership to accept yourself both as you were and as you are. When you take this step, you will begin to heal and other aspects of your potential will unfold. You will find it easier to place yourself in situations where you are surrounded by the people and things you love. This provides you with the energy to truly resonate with others and serve as a guiding light in their times of need. It allows us to find within ourselves the reserve of strength we need to reach out to others and offer unselfish help on their journey.

The workplace might seem like one of the most difficult places in which to practice true positive sentiments. It is true that there are some workplaces that are draining and toxic. We must come to understand that this is due to a lack of compassion and is not a reason to shun it ourselves. By making a principled choice to represent compassionate behavior in the workplace, we can begin the process of positive change. For this, we must be aware that change is tied to action. Listening to others, refraining from judging them and offering our help when we can are all compassionate acts we can undertake at work. Recognizing the leadership potential of others and helping them cultivate their unique talents are compassionate acts that follow from the above. As we work toward greater and more consistent positivism at work, we naturally inspire humane and compassionate ethics. In doing so, we motivate others to believe in their own potential and to use love to counteract the fear, distress and malaise that can darken workplaces.

The Gift Of Consciousness

Dec 20 2012Sep 30 2020 Belinda MJ. Brown Leadership

What better gift could you give to yourself or a loved one than the gift of consciousness? We are all familiar with the basic ideas surrounding this phenomenon, but few people think of it as something they can practice on a daily basis. In the most basic sense, this word refers to our awareness. It encompasses our own mind, our environment and our knowledge about the relationship we have to others. However, it is also a skill and a way of seeing the world. Some traditions have referred to it as “mindfulness” to distinguish it from ordinary forms of awareness. What is it and what can it do for us? Let’s explore the subject more deeply.

What Does Consciousness Bring Us in Life?

Consciousness, in this sense, is a form of consistent awareness of how we relate ourselves to one another. It is a recognition not only of the interdependence between individuals, co-workers, teams, and organizations, but also our understanding that we can work to improve these relationships. At work, this leads to high efficiency and productivity predicated upon mutual respect. Our respect for others and what they have to offer causes them to reciprocate and give us greater opportunities to contribute. A very similar effect is felt when one seeks to improve and enhance relationships using mindful thought. Others will recognize the love that we feel and wish to express. They will respond in a cooperative way that leads each person toward mutual goals.

How Does It Work?

It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that what we perceive is the whole of reality. However, you can improve and enhance your relationships in many wonderful ways by recognizing that there is a vast difference between each person’s perception. You can question others in a curious way, and do so with love and without judgment. It is difficult to change others’ minds forcefully through challenging them. Instead, focus on respect and love for their perspective and understand that some aspects of their perception can also illuminate you. Remember, you are not required to keep someone in your life with whom you do not feel a connection. Share the experiences you can, strive earnestly to learn, and move on when it is time to do so.

What Are the Benefits of Consciousness?

Would you like to enhance your relationships in this way beginning right now? Once you get started, you will easily find that devoting yourself to this kind of thinking builds your ability to make meaningful, effective decisions. Too often, we allow ourselves to go on “automatic” and end up responding to others in an unhelpful or self-serving way. We may not intend to do so, but our automatic responses are typically those most rooted in survival expectations. We have the ability to transcend this programming to receive the benefits of using our complete mind. When we do so, we strengthen our connection to others. In the workplace, this can come in the form of improving employee engagement and cultivating a true sense of dedication to an organization’s success.

Mindful thought can invigorate and energize you both personally and professionally. Although it may begin in our minds, the way that we show this mindfulness to others is through conscious acts of love and devotion. Modeling this way of relating to the world will make your workplace a haven for creative and innovative approaches to problems. It will encourage people to go further and work harder to realize their full potential. Likewise, it will help those around you invest in their personal relationships and transcend “survival” to create a more purposeful life.

You Thought Change Would Make You Happier?

Nov 29 2012Sep 30 2020 Belinda MJ. Brown Leadership

For most people, variety is truly the spice of life. Change and Happiness seem related and many people complain of boredom and burnout because they do the same things again and again. Changing your life, even slightly, can go a long way to making you happier. After all, life is change, and change is inevitable. Knowing how to make change work for you is a valuable key to happiness. What about signing up for a class, exploring new interests, meeting new people, and pursuing your passion? Set a goal and make it happen!

Anticipation, at first, may seem contradictory to “being in the moment,” something that’s often thought of as being essential for happiness. After all, how can we be in the here and now when we’re thinking about the future? There’s a line in the song “Anticipation” by Carly Simon – “We can never know about the days to come, but we think about them anyway…” That’s true for almost everyone – but the way that you think about future events is what separates those who are unreasonably happy.

The anticipation of a future enjoyable event produces anabolic thoughts and feelings, and just knowing something exciting is going to happen can help us experience more happiness. Often, the anticipation is even more enjoyable than the event. It’s important to have things to look forward to, be they events or goals, as we can experience the anticipation in the present moment.

Worry about a future event produces catabolic thoughts and feelings – even if the dreaded outcome never comes to pass. When you worry, you also experience anticipation in the present moment – but that anticipation is draining and distracting. How much happier could you be if you let go of worry?

Another aspect of “appreciating anticipation” is expectation. When you expect, you’re making a judgment about something occurring in a particular way – you’re attached to the outcome. Anticipating what is to come, while letting go of the expectation of exactly how it will come, is what allows you to be in the here and now while anticipating the future.

You can be unreasonably happy by trying new things, and looking forward, without judgment or expectation to what is to come.

Why not try it for this month?

Are you a people pleaser?

Nov 9 2012Sep 30 2020 Belinda MJ. Brown Leadership

How many of you did experience the stress or the frustration of being a people pleaser?

How many times did you take on your plate more than you can handle to help others or your organization?

Elizabeth Grace Saunders is a time coach, the founder of Real Life E Time Coaching & Training, and the author of “The 3 Secrets to Effective Time Investment: How to Achieve More Success With Less Stress. “

She wrote an interesting article “Stop Being a People-Pleaser“.

Most of us don’t even realize what makes us so angry, so overwhelmed. Helping, serving and contributing are an attribute we all want to exhibit because it makes us feel good and belong to a group or an organization. And let’s be honest, we want to be liked and loved as well.

Elizabeth evokes 3 scenarios which occur in a work environment:

The Unrealistic Standards Scenario

The “Yes!” Man or Woman Scenario

The “I’ll Just Do It Myself” Scenario

I truly believe that the “guilt” factor is the most common for people pleaser. It is nor good nor bad. It just is. In many cultures we are taught to please our parents, to please our friends, and to assist our organization. We don’t want to look overly selfish, we want to be liked or loved. This leads us to neglect ourselves without even realizing it. Giving and pleasing is meaningful and healthy if we can as well give and please ourselves.

Finding balance requires self awareness about our own needs.
It takes awareness, emotional intelligence and open communication to overcome the stress caused by the people pleaser “syndrome”.

With awareness, we can determine how to respond to the requests of others in a way that will create comfort for us and for other as well.
As a people pleaser, there is nothing more difficult to handle than a situation you volunteered for and that you resent unconsciously while doing it. You feel you have to please and to give and you overload yourself and then feel overwhelmed with the many things you have already on your plate.

Have you ever thought that by saying “Yes” to others it might mean saying “No” to YOU?

Next time you are requested or you want to volunteer for a task, question yourself:
-If you want to say “Yes”, who are you saying “Yes” to? Yourself? Someone else? or both?
-If you want to say “No” and feel guilty about it, think about the fact that by saying “No” to someone, you are saying “Yes” to yourself.

Being aware provides you tremendous opportunities to acknowledge how you feel, and to respond consciously to any situation. By understanding how you feel and what makes you feel that way, you honor yourself and the person you want to serve or to help. You find yourself empowered to create a positive intention and a commitment to a task or a person with your heart and with your brain. Remember this person may be YOU.

As Elizabeth mentioned it in one of her comments, the next step to overcome the challenge of being a “people pleaser” is to communicate and express clearly the change in your behavior to create a win-win situation.
Expressing to your spouse or your manager your motives will greatly improve your relationships. When others know the way you operate, it will bring understanding and dialogue. It may look like this:
-“When I answer “Yes” I am fully committed to the person or the task I say “Yes” to. I create positive energy and bring fulfillment
-When at some point I say “No”, I do not say “No” to you, I say “Yes” to me. You may be benefit for me to say “No” since it means I will honor a commitment to another project or a personal need. I create positive energy and fulfillment as well.”

If you feel held back or stuck and you want to explore further this topic, please feel free to contact us

Your Interpretation Creates Your Reality!Votre Interpretation Cree Votre Realite!

Oct 16 2012Sep 30 2020 Belinda MJ. Brown Leadership

The Big 4 energy blocks: Limiting beliefs, Assumptions, Interpretations and Fear (called as well Inner Critic, Gremlin, Saboteur) keep you stuck and prevent you from achieving what you want to in your life. We’ve already explored limiting beliefs and assumptions. This month, let’s look at the third energy leadership block, interpretations. When you interpret something, you create an opinion about an event, situation, or experience. In essence, you create an explanation and then look for evidence to support its validity. When you make an interpretation, you don’t even see that other explanations exist. In actuality, though, an interpretation often represents only one viewpoint among the many that are possible.

Your interpretations hold a strong energetic charge, which affects your emotions and actions. If you believe your viewpoint of a particular situation is the only explanation, you might not be aware of another point of view. You may end up wasting a lot of time and resources marching off in the wrong direction. Because you don’t see that other possibilities exist, you remain stuck in your story, and feel like you have no control over the outcome.

So let’s say you come home into work one day, and your boss barely nods hello, and then goes into his office and closes the door. If you think that your boss acted that way because he is angry with you, you might spend the morning wondering what you did to get him mad, and you might be hesitant to approach him with the great idea you’d come up with on the way in to work.

As with assumptions, interpretations are personal and are somewhat difficult to let go of and challenge. Holding onto them may seem like the easy way out, as facing them may move you into uncharted territory. However, challenging your interpretations opens you up to a world of possibilities, literally.

Typical interpretations may sound like this:

“He doesn’t like me.”
“She thinks I’m incompetent.”
“They don’t want to follow orders.”
“My son is just not interested in doing his homework.”

Interpretations can be directly challenged by asking: “What’s another way to look at that?” or “What would be my son, wife, coworker perspective on this?” Just realizing that there are other ways to look at something lessens the power of your interpretation. One way to do this is to imagine what another individual’s perspective of the situation might be. Asking for someone else’s point of view on a difficult situation (even if they are not directly involved) can break existing paradigms and open pathways for more successful solutions. Challenging yourself or others to argue the point of view directly opposite your interpretation also works remarkably well to arrive at new information, new angles, and new paths to success.

In the example of the boss above, perhaps the reason why he barely acknowledged you was that he just received a disturbing phone call about a family member, or he had a deadline that had to be met – or…….well, there are many possible explanations. What an opportunity you’d miss if you decided not to present your great idea based on your false interpretation.

This month, before you “jump to conclusions” and believe the first story you create in your mind based on your own filters and your thoughts, consider other possibilities that could lead you to new, empowering choices and actions.Les grands 4 blocs qui génèrent de l’énergie négative et du stress sont : les croyances limitatives, les suppositions, les interprétations et la Peur (aussi appelée la critique intérieure, Gremlin ou saboteur) vous maintiennent dans le statuquo et vous empêchent de réaliser ce que vous souhaitez dans la vie. Nous avons déjà exploré les croyances limitatives et les suppositions dans notre version en anglais. Ce mois-ci, explorons un troisième bloc d’énergie négative générée par nos interprétations.

Quand nous interprétons, nous créons une opinion au sujet d’un événement, d’une situation, ou d’une expérience. Essentiellement, nous créons une explication et puis recherchons la preuve pour soutenir sa validité. Lorsque nous faisons une interprétation, Nous ne sommes pas à même de voir que d’autres explications existent. Dans la réalité, une interprétation représente souvent seulement un point de vue parmi les nombreux qui sont possibles. Nos interprétations contiennent une charge énergique forte, qui affecte nos émotions et actions. Si nous pensons que notre point de vue d’une situation particulière est la seule explication, nous n’envisagerons pas la possibilité d’une autre réalité due à un autre point de vue. Nous perdrons notre temps et dépenserons beaucoup d’énergie parfois en orientant notre esprit dans une mauvaise direction. La plupart du temps, nous sommes convaincus de l’histoire que nous nous sommes racontée et nous avons l’impression que notre interprétation est la réalité.

Prenons un exemple, un matin au travail votre responsable ou votre directeur ne vous adresse pas la parole puis entre dans son bureau et ferme la porte. Si vous pensez que votre patron a agi de cette façon parce qu’il est insatisfait de votre travail ou que c’est un malotru. Vous vous faites une opinion, cela crée un stress et vous allez certainement réagir négativement intérieurement (dialogue interne : pour qui se prend-il ? Qu’ai-je fait pour mériter ce traitement ce matin ? Il est totalement lunatique…) et extérieurement (en répondant froidement à sa prochaine demande, en l’ignorant le reste de la journée….). Alors qu’en fait, votre patron a seulement eu un coup de téléphone important de son médecin lui annonçant une mauvaise nouvelle et était simplement distrait par celle-ci. Comme avec les suppositions, les interprétations sont personnelles et sont quelque peu difficiles à lâcher prise et à challenger. S’en tenir à elles pour prendre des décisions ou passer à l’action est la facilité et une habitude, il est cependant important de questionner nos interprétations car cela vous ouvre un monde de possibilités et d’opportunités littéralement insoupçonnées.

Les interprétations typiques peuvent ressembler à ceci :

“Il ne m’aime pas.”
“Elle pense que je suis incompétent.”
“Ils ne veulent pas suivre des ordres. ”
“Mon fils n’est pas intéressé par son travail.”
Des interprétations peuvent être directement challengées en vous demandant :
« Quelle peut être une autre façon de regarder cette situation ? » ou,

« Quelle serait la perspective de mon fils, de mon épouse, de mon meilleur sur cette situation? »

Prendre conscience qu’’il y a d’autres façons de percevoir la réalité réduit l’intensité de votre interprétation. Imaginer ce qu’est la perspective d’un autre individu de la situation aide grandement. Demander à quelqu’un d’autre son point de vue sur une situation difficile (même si ils ne sont pas directement impliqués) peut casser des paradigmes existants et ouvrir des voies de relations et une communication différentes et épanouissantes.

Le questionnement de nos interprétations aide également remarquablement à évaluer objectivement une situation, à explorer de nouvelles perspectives, et de nouvelles voies vers le succès.

Quelles opportunités manquez-vous chaque jour en vous basant sur vos interprétations ?

Durant les prochains jours et prochaines semaines, avant que vous « sautiez aux conclusions » et croyiez la première histoire que vous créez dans votre esprit basé sur vos propres filtres et vos pensées, considérez les autres possibilités qui pourraient vous mener à de nouvelles conclusions, réduire votre stress et vous permettre de faire des choix objectifs et conscients.

7 Easy Steps to Solve a Conflict7 Etapes Pour Resoudre un Conflit

Oct 15 2012Sep 30 2020 Belinda MJ. Brown Leadership

Situations arise everyday, but we can approach them consciously and solve a conflict easily.

“I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.” – Unknown

Situations of conflict occurs for many reason among them:
-Argument because you want to have it your way while the other wants to have it his way as well
-Someone who refuses to listen to your opinion is perceived as an opponent.
-Someone who tells that your idea is wrong or not realistic.
In any of this situation you may find yourself getting upset, frustrated or withdrawn. Therefore you set yourself in conflict mode. Often disagreement is (mis)interpreted as opposition.

How true is it you are in conflict? How much does it cost you or your organization?

We are seeing the reality from our own perspective: what may be true for us may not be for another individual or community. Many examples come to mind at a team, community or even a nation level. Conflicts arise everywhere and in any situation not because people are right or wrong but because of the diversity of perspectives. These perspectives, which are only perceptions of the reality based on filters such as beliefs, education, religion, etc…, lead us to feel separated from one another and to conclude that if we don’t agree, we automatically are in conflict.
How true is the statement “I am in conflict with my husband or with my boss “at the time you make it? Are you really in conflict with the person you have in mind at this moment reading this article? It costs you hours of stress, talking about it and arguing about it. In the case of a working team, it can loosen up the ties between its members, leading to misunderstandings or even sabotage for non-cooperative behaviors.

Basically, what happen when we have an idea is that we are very excited to share it and to have it validated by others. When it doesn’t happen or if we are told that we are wrong or that our opinion or idea is not valuable or valid, we feel judged, excluded from the group. We become angry, frustrated and distant. In the case of an employee, it impacts engagement and productivity levels.
Anything that comes up from feeling separated from the group may generate a conflict. Most of the time, there is no intention to create this type of situation. A small event, a word can trigger an emotion and a reaction that will develop into animosity.
How much do you do find yourself feeling separated or in conflict with someone who has a different opinion than yours? How did this person meet your needs to be acknowledged and validated? What is your responsibility in this situation? How did you meet your “opponent’s needs” for the exact same acknowledgement and validation? In other words, how much do you listen, acknowledge and validate prior to present your point of view or opinion?

To solve a conflict and reconcile your team or improve your relationship, apply the followings:

Step 1: Identify and clarify the issue.
Step: 2: Evaluate the impact on you, on the other person, on the team, on the organization today and in the future if the situation remains the same.
Step 3: Reassess the reality of the situation by asking yourself how true your opinion is compared to others who have different background and filters. How would you like others to respond to you when they find themselves having another reality?
Step 4: Tackle the real issue, the one that is at the core of this conflict. How much was your ego in the way? How much did you contribute to the current situation?
Step 5: Engage in a respectful and responsible conversation with the other party by expressing yourself using “I” and “we” to explain your perspective, don’t blame by using “you.” Example “I felt I was not fair with your statement and that we have a misunderstanding…” instead of “Your statement made no sense, how anyone could agree with it …” Words can be hurtful, so choose your words consciously and select the one that you would like to hear from someone else in the same situation
Step 6: Be curious and genuine about what the other party will express. LISTEN – STAY SILENT
Step7: Experience each situation from a new perspective
This process will empower you and the other party while enriching your relationship. Reflect on the outcome you would like to happen. Envision it and review it prior to go through with it
Next time you find yourself in such a conflict or separation with someone, remember that diversity of opinions generates creativity and innovative solution. Ask yourself what you could build with 2 different ideas and how richer you could become. You could even come up with a third one, one that would satisfy not only you, but also a diversity of people.

I wish you all a fantastic week!
Situations de conflit :

-Conflit dû à une confrontation à votre opinion qui est forcément la bonne.
-Conflit dû à un individu rejetant votre idée ou opinion comme erronée ou irréaliste. De ce fait vous êtes agacé, frustré ou gêné.
-Conflit dû au fait que si votre opinion est vraie l’opinion de votre adversaire et forcément fausse. Nous voyons la réalité avec notre propre perspective : ce qui peut être vrai pour nous ne peut pas être pour un individu ou une communauté différent.

Beaucoup d’exemples de conflits viennent à l’esprit au sein d’un couple, d’une équipe, d’une communauté ou même au niveau d’une nation. Les conflits surgissent partout et dans n’importe quelle situation non pas parce que les personnes ont raison ou tort mais plutôt en raison de la diversité des perspectives qui coexistent. Ces perspectives, qui sont seulement des perceptions de la réalité basées sur des filtres tels que nos croyances, l’éducation, la religion, etc…, nous mènent au sentiment de séparation les uns des autres. La triste conclusion est que si nous n’avons pas la même perception de la réalité, nous sommes automatiquement en conflit.

Pensez à une personne avec laquelle vous êtes en conflit actuellement. Maintenant posez vous la question de savoir quelle est la véracité de cette affirmation au moment où vous lisez cet article. Par exemple « je suis en conflit avec mon mari ou avec mon patron »

Cette pensée d’être en conflit nous coûte des heures de stress, de questions ou cris simplement en évoquant le sujet. Dans le cas d’une équipe dans le milieu professionnel les conflits mène à des malentendus ou même au sabotage par des comportements non coopératifs. Fondamentalement, ce qui se produit quand nous avons une idée et que nous sommes très enthousiastes, nous la partageons et nous souhaitons la voir respectée et évaluée par notre audience. Quand cela ne se produit pas ou si nous sommes confrontés au rejet pur et simple de notre avis ou idée, nous nous sentons jugés, exclus du groupe. Nous nous frustrons et nous renfermons.

Dans le cas d’un employé, cela affecte grandement son niveau d’engagement, de motivation et de performance.

Ce sentiment de séparation peut produire d’autre conflit s’il n’est pas adressé.

La majeure partie du temps, il n’y a aucune intention de créer ce type de situation. Un petit événement, un mot, peuvent déclencher une émotion et une réaction qui développeront une animosité.

Combien de fois vous êtes vous retrouver vous-même « séparé », « exclu » ou en conflit avec quelqu’un qui a une opinion différente que le vôtre ? Comment cette personne a-t-elle satisfait vos besoins d’être respecté et validé ? Quelle est votre responsabilité dans cette situation ? Comment avez-vous satisfait les besoins de votre opposant avec le même respect et la même validation ? En d’autres termes, quelle est la qualité de votre écoute, de votre respect et de la validation avant de présenter votre point de vue ou votre avis dans une discussion avec autrui ?

Pour résoudre le conflit et réconcilier votre équipe ou améliorer votre relation, appliquez le processus suivant :

Étape 1: Identifiez et clarifiez la situation.
Étape 2: Évaluez l’impact sur vous, sur la personne impliquée, sur l’équipe, sur l’organisation. Évaluez aussi la situation de façon linéaire : quel est l’impact aujourd’hui, quel sera l’impact à l’avenir si le conflit persiste ?
Étape 3: Réévaluez la réalité de la situation en vous demandant quelle est la validité de votre avis comparé à celui d’autres qui ont des systèmes de pensée et des filtres différents. Comment souhaiteriez vous que les autres réagissent lorsqu’ils ne partagent pas votre opinion ou contredise votre opinion ?
Étape 4: Abordez le vrai problème, celui qui est au cœur de ce conflit. Quelle est l’implication de votre égo dans cette situation ? Comment avez-vous contribué à la situation actuelle ?
Étape 5: Engagez vous dans une conversation respectueuse et responsable avec l’autre partie en vous exprimant employant « Je » et « Nous » pour expliquer votre perspective. Surtout ne blâmer pas votre interlocuteur en utilisant « Toi »ou « Vous ». L’utilisation de « Toi »ou « Vous » est accusateur et entraîne un comportement défensif. Par exemple dites « je n’ai pas été juste dans cette affaire en rejetant votre opinion et je souhaiterai corriger ce malentendu » au lieu de « votre opinion m’a semblé irréalisable ou inappropriée, il est bien normal que je n’y adhère pas mais je souhaite tout de même que nous rétablissions de bonnes relations… ». Les mots peuvent nuire et blesser, de ce fait choisissez vos mots consciemment et choisissez ceux que vous souhaiteriez entendre de quelqu’un d’autre dans de telles circonstances.
Étape 6: Soyez curieux et authentique avec votre interlocuteur lorsqu’il vous répondra. ÉCOUTEZ (ce qui veut dire RESTEZ SILENCIEUX)
Étape 7: Répondre à votre interlocuteur en étant conscient de votre réponse. Après avoir écoute attentivement et compris la perspective d votre interlocuteur vous comprenez qu’une autre perspective est possible. Cela vous encourage à vous remettre en question et à enrichir votre propre réflexion.
Ce processus vous permettra de rétablir des liens et d’enrichir votre relation. Réfléchissez aussi aux résultats que souhaitez obtenir. Envisagez-ces résultats et passez- les en revue avant d’avoir cette conversation.

Et la prochaine fois que vous sentez que une séparation durant un échange avec quelqu’un, souvenez vous que la diversité des avis produit de la créativité et l’innovation. Demandez-vous ce que vous pouvez développer et créer grâce à la richesse de plusieurs opinions.

Je vous souhaite une excellente journée!

Be Aware, Express and Manage your Emotions

Why Exploring Emotional Intelligence?

Share and Enjoy !

The price YOU pay for poor communication:

Verbal Communication Skills in a multi-cultural Environment:

Non-Verbal Communication Skills in a multi-cultural Environment:

Schedule Today a Free Meeting for Your Needs: Schedule Appointment

Tips and Tools to Improve Collaboration and Increase your Bottom Line

Share and Enjoy !

Emotions

Awareness

Expression

Management

Share and Enjoy !

Global Leadership Coaching assists individuals and organizations to perform better, innovate and serve the community while increasing profit.

How Fear Based Leadership Limits Individuals and Organizations’ Growth

The benefits of a Value Based Leadership

How Bringing More Love in Leadership Enables Individuals and Organizations to Reach their Full Potential

Share and Enjoy !

Share and Enjoy !

What Does Consciousness Bring Us in Life?

How Does It Work?

What Are the Benefits of Consciousness?

Share and Enjoy !

Share and Enjoy !

Share and Enjoy !

Share and Enjoy !

Share and Enjoy !