Are you a people pleaser?

How many of you did experience the stress or the frustration of being a people pleaser?

How many times did you take on your plate more than you can handle to help others or your organization?

Elizabeth Grace Saunders is a time coach, the founder of Real Life E Time Coaching & Training, and the author of  “The 3 Secrets to Effective Time Investment: How to Achieve More Success With Less Stress. “

She wrote an interesting article “Stop Being a People-Pleaser“.

Most of us don’t even realize what makes us so angry, so overwhelmed. Helping, serving and contributing are an attribute we all want to exhibit because it makes us feel good and belong to a group or an organization. And let’s be honest, we want to be liked and loved as well.

Elizabeth evokes 3 scenarios which occur in a work environment:

The Unrealistic Standards Scenario

The “Yes!” Man or Woman Scenario

The “I’ll Just Do It Myself” Scenario

I truly believe that the “guilt” factor is the most common for people pleaser. It is nor good nor bad. It just is. In many cultures we are taught to please our parents, to please our friends, and to assist our organization. We don’t want to look overly selfish, we want to be liked or loved. This leads us to neglect ourselves without even realizing it. Giving and pleasing is meaningful and healthy if we can as well give and please ourselves. 

Finding balance requires self awareness about our own needs.
It takes awareness, emotional intelligence and open communication to overcome the stress caused by the people pleaser “syndrome”. 

With awareness, we can determine how to respond to the requests of others in a way that will create comfort for us and for other as well.
As a people pleaser, there is nothing more difficult to handle than a situation you volunteered for and that you resent unconsciously while doing it. You feel you have to please and to give and you overload yourself and then feel overwhelmed with the many things you have already on your plate.

Have you ever thought that by saying “Yes” to others it might mean saying “No” to YOU?

Next time you are requested or you want to volunteer for a task, question yourself:
-If you want to say “Yes”, who are you saying “Yes” to? Yourself? Someone else? or both?
-If you want to say “No” and feel guilty about it, think about the fact that by saying “No” to someone, you are saying “Yes” to yourself. 

Being aware provides you tremendous opportunities to acknowledge how you feel, and to respond consciously to any situation. By understanding how you feel and what makes you feel that way, you honor yourself and the person you want to serve or to help. You find yourself empowered to create a positive intention and a commitment to a task or a person with your heart and with your brain. Remember this person may be YOU.

As Elizabeth mentioned it in one of her comments, the next step to overcome the challenge of  being  a “people pleaser” is to communicate and express clearly the change in your behavior to create a win-win situation.
Expressing to your spouse or your manager your motives will greatly improve your relationships. When others know the way you operate, it will bring understanding and dialogue. It may look like this:
-“When I answer “Yes” I am fully committed to the person or the task I say “Yes” to. I create positive energy and bring fulfillment
-When at some point I say “No”, I do not say “No” to you, I say “Yes” to me. You may be benefit for me to say “No” since it means I will honor a commitment to another project or a personal need. I create positive energy and fulfillment as well.”

If you feel held back or stuck and you want to explore further this topic, please feel free to contact us